you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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