So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
