I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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