im having a threesome with these popsicles
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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