Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
