um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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