4 words: hood of his car
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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