Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
