Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
