why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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