She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
