I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
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I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
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I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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