it wasn't lemon gatorade
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
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Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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