she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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