last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
