I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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