yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
