I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
