I hate your face
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
