i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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