Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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