Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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