Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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