The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
