hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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