Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize