I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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