nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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