I would go down on you faster than GM stock
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
