I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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