No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
