i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
