its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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