she was so not down for the gang bang
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Fuck me I smell like cheese
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
