so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We need a shit load of segways right now
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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