If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
