They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
