There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just want nice things and good sex
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
