You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
