I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
