yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
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I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
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Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize