just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
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i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
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Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize