so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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