If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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