i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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