the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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