thus making me awesome and them whores
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
