thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize