She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
