maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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