I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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