his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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