Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize