dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
