Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
