I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
