All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
