it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
