I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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