If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
