You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
