foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
