you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
