You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
