I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
